What Calms me…

Many times we find comfort in the simplest of things, and while they may just soothe our immediate needs it goes without saying how we as individuals tend to react towards these soothing activities. Personally, I tend to get lost in the lyrics of music, no specific genre of music is need as long as I can relate to the lyrics. I also, find it comforting to write my days away passing time. What started as a minor distraction from my awkward life, writing has made a world of difference in my day to day stemming from those awkward conversations to more confident responses in conversations. As of lately, I have invested my mornings towards motivational video and lessons from those who seem as if they all have their shit together and while I may still be in the transitional phase to being a respectful adult it goes without saying these are some of the activities that have humbled me along the way.

At times I wanna just get lost in the music, but then my children remind I should be in a rocking chair exercising my fingers with the fine art of crocheting. To think, I am far from that imagery but on the television shows they engage in I somehow fit the description. Needless to say the Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon doesn’t shed any light on hardworking single parents such as myself but we get recognized nonetheless. I am mom in times of need when the remote can’t be located, or the iPad battery is dead I am a superwoman whose mission is to fix each and every immediate danger that arise. In the midst of my maturity I have nothing to prove to anyone other than the capabilities of my worth from this day on. Even then I will use music and lyrics to be a distraction from my day to day.

Expressing myself didn’t always come easy. I’ve had hinderance in all aspects of my learning abilities, when it came to the right way to express myself. Writing has taught me a great deal but even as I learned to write I still wasn’t sure I was using the correct words and that bothered me a great deal, making me even more insecure. Some of my immediate difficulties stemmed from knowing what I wanted to say in your head but when the time came to communicating it on paper or even to a group of people I would either freeze or begin to talk gibberish which crippled my thought process. I still have difficulties with it today maybe not as much but there is a sense of inconsistencies in my writing even when I double and triple check. I find it very self sufficient to read continuously and write as often as I can. As a result the words now flow at a speed of conscious actions. It took me awhile to realize that writing gets better over time. Likewise with the words. When all is said and done there is something to be said about the infamous flowers waiting to be sniffed by those who are willing to take the time.

Life has given me so much more than I have bargained for, I was given as much as I had lost and needless to say It has all been a learning experience for me. I became a responsible earlier than most so when my peers were crafting their teenage years I was working a full time job to help with bills around the house. My imagination though kept on course and it never seemed to intimidate me for it was there I found the love to be creative. My imagination helped steer me in such lucrative direction for writing, traveling, and when all else was failing take me around in circles as I would often get lost in the music. So, while I missed out on my rebellious years I’ve made up for most in recent years. I am thankful for my mishaps over the years because they have made me the woman I am today.

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